Portland, OR: Decent Chow, But Not Too Hoppy With The Higher Than Average Prices

Von Ebert Brewing

14021 NE Glisan Street

Portland, OR 97230 

Hazelwood, Northeast Portland

Phone number (503) 878-8708

Website: vonebertbrewing.com

Prices: $$$$

I play golf at Glendoveer quite often, being a member of their PDP Program, so I thought I had to try the latest restaurant to be located on the premises. It was a toasty day in early August, up around 100 degrees the day I was there, but their patio was comfortable and the view of the 10th hole serene until the toddler at the far end of the patio started screaming at the top of his lungs.

My server, Ryan, was friendly and efficient, but when I ordered a "CAN" of the Blood Orange IPA ($6/16 oz. glass or $5/16 oz. can), he told me "we do not serve cans, they are only for take-out". I asked why cans are even an option on the "eat-in" menu if you cannot order them, but I did not receive a reply. I paid the extra $1 for the glass and was pretty "hoppy" with the IPA even though their beer prices are about a buck higher than most places in town.

With Ryan's input, I ordered the Elevated Emily ($12) sandwich with brisket, Swiss cheese, caramelized onions and mushrooms on a ciabatta roll with a side of au jus, as well as a side of Cajun fries ($3 - sandwiches and burgers do not come with a side BTW) for a grand total of $15. A tad on the high side for a sandwich, it was actually quite tasty although a bit small for the price.

Not a horrible value, I have eaten better, more robust sandwiches (with fries) and have drunk equivalent brews at other local establishments, having paid a total of $3 to $5 (per person) less on average. I do not see myself going out of my way to eat here in the future, but may try their Happy Hour menu sometime as its prices are much more reasonable.

CombatCritic Gives Von Ebert Brewing (East) 5 Bombs Out Of 10 ... More Bombs Are Better!

Five Bombs Equates To:

Translation for Civilians: "Continue Mission"

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Title: Portland, OR: Decent Chow, But Not Too Hoppy With The Higher Than Average Prices

Key Words: Von Ebert Brewing, Von Ebert, brewing, brewery, brew, beer, craft, Portland, OR, Glendoveer, golf, CombatCritic, TravelValue, travel, value, restaurant, menu, review, Yelp, Zomato

Copyright 2018 - 3rd Wave Media Group And CombatCritic ™ - All Rights Reserved

Sherwood, OR: Pizza Schmizza - The Only Good Thing About This Place Is The Beer

Schmizza Public House

15982 SW Tualatin Sherwood Road

Sherwood, OR 97140

Phone number: (503) 925-8093

Website: schmizzapublichouse.com

Prices: $$$$

Not good. We filled our pie holes and left satiated, but otherwise it was a very forgetful experience.

The place is not inviting, bright and laid out in a strangely open arrangement with relatively few tables. They were playing a trivia game when we entered and received many strange looks, as if we were somehow not welcome. We gave a hint (the answer) to the metrosexuals next to us for an opera question they obviously had no clue how to respond to, the answer to which was "Carmen". They basically ignored us, looking like they had never been to an opera in their lives, but celebrated gleefully when they found out that their (our) answer was correct. Grow a pair girls and thank your knowledgable and compassionate neighbors for your victory. Anyway, ...

My wife had another unimpressive $14 Mac and Cheese, boring and severely overpriced, and I the Tuesday Street Tacos Special ($11). The mac and cheese was flanked by two pieces of garlic toast, adding a little flavor to the otherwise tasteless dish. The tacos (shredded beef) were attractive to the eye, but mediocre to the palate with little beef, more lettuce, a dusting of cheese, and a very thin slice of avocado (great idea, sad execution). The cheap tortilla chips on the side were straight out of the bag and disgusting.

The best value of the night was the cold pint of IPA ($5), so go for a beer and head down the street to the OSF for lots o' pasta.

CombatCritic Gives Schmizza Public House 4 Bombs Out Of 10 ... More Bombs Are Better!

Four Bombs Equates To:

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Title: Sherwood, OR: Pizza Schmizza - The Only Good Thing About This Place Is The Beer

Key Words: Schmizza, pizza, Sherwood, Oregon, beer, pub, public, house, CombatCritic, TravelValue, travel, value, restaurant, menu, business, review, Yelp, Zomato

Translation for Civilians: "Bend Over, Here It Comes Again"

Copyright 2018 - 3rd Wave Media Group, LLC and CombatCritic - All Rights Reserved

Eureka, CA: The Potatoes Weren't The Only Thing Stuf't By The End Of The Night

Stuf't Potato
3220 South Broadway, Suite 8
Eureka, CA 95501
Phone number (707) 444-6200
Website: stuftpotato.com
Prices: $$$$

The restaurant is simple, a nice little place in a strip mall near the southern edge of town. The service is friendly and efficient, and the food made to order. The chef readily agreed to substitute chicken with pork for the schnitzel cordon bleu ($17.95), but they would have received 7-8 Bombs Out Of 10 had they fulfilled my request for a little Hunter sauce (gravy) with the cordon bleu I ordered. When a customer makes a request, it should be fulfilled. It's not that hard to whip up a little gravy, particularly when you are pan frying the schnitzel anyway.

My wife had the Fried Spätzel ($13.95), a huge skillet full of spätzel, ham, Gruyere cheese, saüerkraut, and fried onions all mixed together. It was a lot of food, very unique, and quite good. Fresh bread and a cream cheese spread with spices accompanied the meals.

As I mentioned, I had the schnitzel (pork) cordon bleu with fried potatoes and sweet and sour red cabbage. The dinner came with soup or salad and bread, so I ordered the beef goulash soup which was a bit greasy, as it should be, but good. The potatoes were good, the cabbage OK (I'm not a huge fan of German red cabbage), and the cordon bleu very well prepared except for the fact that it was extremely dry. A little hunter sauce (mushroom gravy) would have rounded out the dish quite nicely, but it was not meant to be.

The beer comes in bottles, nothing on tap, and is a bit pricy ($5.25-$5.95) for a 12-16 ounce bottle of beer. The house wine is $5.25 a glass and the glass was quite generous, a much better value than the beer. We enjoyed our meal and the chef obviously knows how to prepare German food, but a little more flexibility, not an easy thing for many Germans (I'm half German, so I know all too well), would have gone a long way.

CombatCritic Gives Stuft Potato 6 Bombs Out Of 10 ... More Bombs Are Better!

Six Bombs Equates To:

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Title: Eureka, CA: The Potatoes Weren't The Only Thing Stuf't By The End Of The Night

Key Words: Stuf't Potato, stuf't, stuffed, potato, potatoes, German, schnitzel, Eureka, California, beer, CombatCritic, TravelValue, travel, value, restaurant, menu, business, review, Yelp, Zomato

Translation for Civilians: G2G = "Good To Go"

Portland, OR: The Jury's Still Out As To Whether Or Not I Become A "Regular"

Stammtisch (German, Gastropub)

401 NE 28th Avenue

Portland, OR 97232

Northeast Portland, Kerns

Phone number: (503) 206-7983

Website: stammtischpdx.com

Prices: $$$$

Not quite what I expected, having spent quite a bit of time in Germany and with a name like Stammtisch (German: a table reserved for "regulars"). More of an American bar/pub look than a German gasthaus, they do have some larger community-style tables you would see in Munich and other places in Germany, but that was about it.

They have a nice selection of German beers on tap at fairly reasonable prices ($5-$7 for 0.5 liter). I usually order my go-to, Warsteiner Dunkel, but decided on the Weltenburger Barock Dunkel instead, a dark, robust beer that was quite tasty.

The menu is not big, but that is usually a good thing because ingredients are normally fresher. Their plates come in "Kleine" (small - $4-$9), "Mittel" (middle or medium -  $10-$16) and "Grosse" (big or large - $12-$23) with a nice selection of six or seven choices in each size class.

My wife would have gone with the Bretzel (pretzel - $5) as a starter, but because I left her in Kansas, I ordered the Currywurst ($6), a sliced pork and veal sausage with fries and house curry ketchup in a small cardboard bowl (which I found a bit odd). What the dish lacked in presentation, it made up for in flavor and was quite tasty although not quite hot enough.

Their entrees include the classics: Sauerbraten ($19), Wienerschnitzel ($15), and, of course, my favorite, Jägerschnitzel ($16) which I ordered. The seared pork loin was medium in size (small by German standards) and the mushroom gravy (Hunter's sauce) had all of two button mushrooms on top. The cutlet was served on top of the spätzle and red cabbage that accompanied it, not my preferred serving method. I love both spätzle and German red cabbage, but Jägerschnitzel should never sit on top of such an acidic and colorful side dish as red cabbage in my opinion. Spätzle? Maybe. Red cabbage? Absolutely not! I have had all types of schnitzels in Germany, Austria, Slovenia, Hungary, and Bosnia-Herzogovina (as well as the U.S. and India believe it or not) and it was never served on top of anything. In fact, in many places the sides (spätzel, potatoes, vegetables) are routinely served family style in separate serving dishes, so the only thing on the plate is usually the schnitzel and it is normally massive.

The server was friendly and efficient although he never told me his name. I asked him about the size of the portions in order to determine whether or not I should order the currywurst and the Jägerschnitzel and after telling me, I decided to order the currywurst. My beer had arrived in the meantime and I was in no hurry to go back to an empty house, so I savored the brew and starter, planning on ordering another beer when he took my entree order. Next thing I knew, the Jägerschnitzel arrived much to my surprise. He must have misunderstood my intentions, but fortunately I would have ordered it anyway and had not changed my mind in the interim. I did not need the second beer anyway.

Parking is on the street only and a challenge to find a spot anywhere close, particularly for a disabled person/veteran. The currywurst could have been served in a proper dish or bowl, not something taquitos come in at a little league game. The jägerschnitzel should not have been "assumed" and absolutely NOT placed on top of the red cabbage. A small German salad and some pumpernickel would have also been a nice accompaniment to a $16-$23 dinner  Finally, a little German ambience would lend itself well to the surroundings, but overall it was a decent, pleasant dinner.

CombatCritic Gives Stammtisch 6 Bombs Out Of 10 ... More Bombs Are Better!

Six Bombs Equates To:

Read Reviews By CombatCritic:

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Read Chris S.'s review of Stammtisch on Yelp

Title: Portland, OR: The Jury's Still Out As To Whether Or Not I Become A "Regular"

Key Words: Stammtisch, German, Germany, gasthaus, schnitzel, Portland, Oregon, Vancouver, beer, bier, CombatCritic, TravelValue, travel, value, restaurant, menu, review, Yelp, Zomato, Tabelog

Translation for Civilians: G2G = "Good To Go"

Portland, OR: Apathetic Staff And Unfresh Food Were Not All That Gut ... Auf Wiedersehen Rheinlander!

Rheinlander German Restaurant

5035 NE Sandy Blvd

Portland, OR 97213

Northeast Portland, Rose City Park

Phone number: (503) 288-5503

Website: rheinlander.com

Prices: $$$$

I have spent a fair amount of time in Germany and Rheinlander reminds me a little, very little, of a traditional gasthaus with good beer in big steins, wonderful schnitzel, and other German gastronomic classics. Knowing German food well, I will warn you up-front that I am a bit picky when it comes to stateside imitations so here goes ...

There was a short wait when we arrived even though there were numerous empty tables, so I went to the bar after a long day on the road to order a cold German stein of beer. I must have stood there for at least five minutes while the bartender frantically bounced around right in front of me, ensuring to take care of the servers at their station at the end of the bar, but ignoring me completely. Not even so much as a "hello", some eye contact, or "I'll be with you in a minute", so I went back to the waiting area empty handed.

It took our server a good ten minutes to greet us once we were seated and she seemed so rushed that she ran off to order our Pretzel Fondue ($13.25) before I had the chance to finish inquiring about the menu and telling her what I wanted to order. I did get the chance to order a stein of Spaten Optimator ($8.95), a dark, robust German "bier" (7.2%), which took another 10-15 minutes to arrive.

My wife and I decided to share the fondue and because they are closing for good on December 31st, I wanted to sample a few different menu items before they cease to exist, so I ordered the Munich Feast ($24.25) to share as well. The server had "the feast" split into two plates, each with half portions of the weinerschnitzel and creamy paprika mushroom sauce, pork cutlet cordon bleu, a wurst of some sort, spätzle, red cabbage, sauerkraut, and a Bavarian pretzel.

The fondue came in a soup cup with two pretzels, not in a pot heated by flame. The cheese was tasty enough, but lukewarm, especially after 10-15 minutes. The pretzels were big, salty, warm and soft, just as they should be. Not a bad effort for a German restaurant doing a Swiss dish.

The Munich feast would have been too much food for one person, but the portions were most likely far smaller than the standard orders because the cordon bleu was tiny and the weinerschnitzel not a whole lot bigger. The biggest thing on the plate was the unidentified sausage, a rather cheap and benign variety looking like a big hot dog, only tastier. The spätzel was OK and the red cabbage/sauerkraut decent, but everything was, like the fondue, lukewarm and unimpressive.

Based on the speed in which both the fondue and feast arrived, very quickly, it seemed obvious that everything was pre-made, maybe nuked or stored in a warming tray, then thrown on a plate. Maybe that is why they are closing or it could be because they are closing, they just do not care any more because that was the impression I got from the staff and the food.

They will apparently be demolishing the beautiful building in early 2017, so make sure you visit during the last 5 weeks of 2016 and this Portland institution's existence if you are in the mood for fair, lukewarm German food and mediocre, apathetic service ... auf wiedersehen Rheinlander!

CombatCritic Gives Rheinlander A Parting 5 Bombs Out Of 10 ... More Bombs Are Better!

Five Bombs Equates To:

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Tabelog - Official Judge (Silver)

Zomato - #1 Ranked "Verified" Foodie





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Read Chris S.'s review of Rheinlander German Restaurant on Yelp



Rheinlander German Restaurant

Title: Portland, OR: Apathetic Staff And Unfresh Food Were Not All That Gut ... Auf Wiedersehen Rheinlander!

Key Words: Rheinlander, German, Germany, Portland, Oregon, Rhein, land, Rheinland, CombatCritic, TravelValue, travel, value, restaurant, menu, schnitzel, beer, review, Yelp, Zomato, Tabelog

Translation for Civilians: Charlie-Mike = "Continue Mission"